as long as I tried.

I seen some of my friends completely losing their sense of happiness and relief. They are just, I don’t know, just so upset about the exams. The exams that have passed. The exams that can never come back. Really reminds me. I mean Singapore being a heavily meritocracy-based country, perfection in academics is much needed. More than wanted or opted for. Honestly, sometimes I just want to tell my friends that doing your best is already the best. No matter how much more you want to do, your best is your limit really. Sometimes I really just want to tell them so badly. I mean seeing them just crumble in their fustration … is rather saddening. I mean I tell them but who would really understand right? I learnt that doing my best is all that I can do by the hard way. Oh gosh, the tears again. The few days of painful paralysis just strucked me that I may never make it. That I may never make it in life. That I might have to work so hard just to get a degree… harder than my peers. I mean at that time, I wanted to give up so badly for my O Levels. What was the use of trying so hard when you are paralysed? Behind those notes, I was just crying. Not to mention, I was obviously worried what would happen if I couldn’t sit up for the paper, what more ace the paper right? Do you know how it is like to have the odds against you so physically cruel? Do you know how just one event in life can be so traumatic that it can just ruin your future? All my mum requested was I tried my best. That’s all. And for once, I felt it was so hard just to do something so simple — do my best. Being paralysed in hellish pain, propped up by pillows, heated up with heat pads and ointment, hugged by my back brace was really more than I could bear. “Do your best. That’s all,” she said. Every day. I study like that. Trying to memorise everything while lying completely flat.  Trying to hold myself physically and emotionally while knowing that my family or anyone could nothing more to ease my pain. Trying so freaking hard while knowing that I might not make it. Trying so hard while knowing I even needed help and supervision in showering, getting up, dressing up. Trying so hard while knowing my dignity was just torn away. Ever since those days, I knew all I really had was my best. In the end, when everything is stripped down, all you have left is your best. Your best. Maybe this really changes how I see the world? While my friends are cursing and blaming themselves for messing up and not getting perfection, I am just happy I tried my best. Sometimes even doing your best is so hard you know? I hope some would actually understand my point. I hope people won’t need a traumatic experience just to learn important life lessons the hard way. No one, whatever race, religion, nationality, beliefs, language, deserves to be in so much pain in life. No one, my friend. No one.