different from what society has deemed for a teen to be
Just now I told Pei Suan I was going to stop doing all that annoying tutorials and just relax and destress by showering and read Wikipedia. Honestly, her reaction was reading wikipedia can destress?! Yep, this was taken straight from the MSN window =) Anyways, I am really different right? I mean I actuallyfind reading Wikipedia destressing? Maybe God kinda twitch my brain too much when I was still growing? Honestly, I really feel that I think too much and too deep. Like sometimes, I feel my peers think I am so weird. I mean I realised that I store more facts in my brain than school stuff. And I end up talking more about facts than imaginary stuff x.x Oh wells, no matter how different I am from my peers would be reflected on my self-reflection essay “Why I think I am creative”. If there is something different other than the writing style, then there is definitely something that God twitched too much. On the good side though, it has been easier to talk to my tutors, cause I am just free to talk about world events, history and literature to them. But back to my peers, I think I fail in many common areas, like songs, celeb gossip and all that pop culture stuff. Somewhat you get the feeling I actually feel left out at times = People said that maybe you are more of an intellect, which in my opinion, is really slightly a crappy reasoning. I mean if I was some person thinking so much, I would have just be able to THINK of a way to pass all those common areas I am currently failing right? Just now talked to Nicolina, and I know how she feels. It is hard finding out who you really are, cause no one can help you do the math and just stereotype you as an alien if you are different. Suddenly, I remembered that I criticised some international government administration for something it did when I was only primary 6 to sec 1. That is when I was 12-13? Then when I was in Sec 1, my school principal died and I went to ask my teacher “Where was God when she died?” My teacher only said she was not sure. Reading my diary has only brought out more scary relevations to me. I always thought this “intellect” problem was only at sec 3 (15 years), but clearly I am wrong. It has happened since I was 12-13 years old. I am not bragging about what a deep and fat thinker I am, but honestly, I am not sure if I have more benefits than disadvantages currently. One thing for sure, this “intellectual” problem became more apparent for me when I was 15. And I am only 17. Sad right? For years, I have been failing to understand teenagers’ culture when I am one. I ended up thinking about politics, world events, religion, too many things that I should never have to care about as a growing kid. According to my tattered and dog-eared diaries, I did went gaga over LOTR, Orlando Bloom and Harry Potter when I was 13. But it stopped. I am no longer collecting posters, screensavers, desktop pics and pasting news articles of my stars in my diary/collage/scrapbook. Now I am only showing my gaga-ness through my MSN nickname, pic. That’s all. Either I have to force myself to understand pop culture, and many teen stuff which I am supposed to experienced as defined by our society today, or maybe I should just keep going and continue my search for someone who has this similar problem with me of not really just clicking with my peers.. or last resort (which I am using) is I wait for people to start to think about deeper issues as they become young adults and subsequently adults. Sometimes, I really wish I can just not think of deep stuff for a day and be a normal teenager, as defined by what our society has deemed. I have never gone to many places my friends been, like K-Box, Cineleisure (only 1 time) etc, cause I just can’t force myself to. Sighs.