*whines*

Arsene Wenger’s a great manager - he’s able to make Arsenal play such beautiful football. But he can’t stop whining…and seems to have selective myopia..and seriously lacking in grace when his team loses. stmichael: ***** Another funny article from my favourite writer: Neil Humphreys 10 April 2008 Straits Times (c) 2008 Singapore Press Holdings Limited ARSENE Wenger carved out a second career for himself yesterday morning. Just moments after Steven Gerrard tucked away one of the coolest penalties in recent memory, Wenger auditioned for Peter Jackson, the acclaimed Kiwi director of the Lord of the Rings. The Arsenal manager dropped to his knees, pounded the turf and pulled off an uncanny gorilla impersonation. Wenger has always been melodramatic. His arm-waving histrionics are nothing new, but only a Champions League defeat by Liverpool can make the Arsenal boss go ape. After the match, he claimed, with some justification, that all of the major decisions went against his side. Before the match, he claimed Arsenal were confident of winning a Champions League and English Premier League double. You can’t write comedy like that. But the Gunners played their part in the most enthralling Champions League encounter of the season. Rafael Benitez, who often looks more like an eager secretary than he does a football coach, scribbled notes furiously for the first half-hour while his players treated the ball like an adulterous ex-wife. They didn’t want anything to do with it. Jose Reina certainly didn’t, offering Abou Diaby enough space at the near post to squeeze Arsenal into a deserved lead. Reina is a strange goalkeeper, not least because he’s starting to look like Benitez’s long-lost brother. One minute, he has all of the attributes of an accomplished shot-stopper; the next, it looks like Benitez has shaved off his beard, jumped between the sticks and allowed Diaby to beat him at the near post. Fortunately for Liverpool, they have a 12th man. On those big Cup nights at Anfield, the 12th man always steps up to galvanise the Reds, boost confidence and steer the home side to glory. His name: Philippe Senderos. For the Liverpool equaliser, Sami Hyypia evaded Senderos in the penalty box with that cunning, revolutionary tactic of running backward and then running forward. And Senderos bought it. Hyypia might struggle to outrun a rocking horse, but he still managed to get to the ball ahead of Senderos, who ran comically in every direction except the right one. But the Arsenal centre-back wasn’t finished. Before Fernando Torres put Liverpool ahead with that curling shot into the far corner, he sold Senderos a dummy, initially moving to his left and away from goal. And Senderos bought it. Was the Arsenal defender expecting Torres to take a left-footed shot at the corner flag? Torres then spun back inside, towards goal, and Senderos reacted so slowly, he appeared to be pulling a caravan. According to the Anfield groundsmen who turned up for work this morning, the Swiss is still turning. In a game that kicked off with just three Englishmen (and they all played for Liverpool), it was refreshing that two Englishmen effectively settled the all-English tie. With nothing to lose, Arsenal introduced Theo Walcott. He’s been young and promising for three years, but no matter. At Anfield, he delivered on his potential. He sprinted almost 80 metres, skipping past the tackles and lunges of Xabi Alonso, Fabio Aurelio, Javier Mascherano and Hyypia to set up an equaliser for Emmanuel Adebayor. There is a profound reason why Walcott was allowed to travel so far without being stopped. The Reds thought he was a streaker. These days, the only time an Englishman appears on the pitch for Arsenal, he tends to be naked and showing off entirely different ball skills. Moments later, another Englishman, who had been largely anonymous by his lofty standards, ended Arsenal’s European campaign. Gerrard tucked away a controversial penalty, Wenger did his best gorilla impersonation and Ryan Babel supplied the window dressing. After the match, Wenger said he was very disappointed with the performance, but he shouldn’t be too hard on himself. Peter Jackson thought he was brilliant.